Delicious Thighs, a Chaffing Story. June 04 2012

If you have the kind of skinny thighs that repel one another, stop reading now. 
You have no business here.

What I'm getting down about today are "delicious thighs." You know, the kind of thigh that can fill out a jean-pant, the kind that feel all soft and full and wonderful, the kind that are BFF, like totally inseparable BFF's? They go everywhere, together. Mmmkay. I have those and no amount of yoga, elliptical machine or squats has changed the fact that my thighs are BFF's. It was all fun and games until last summer when I spent many hours schlepping around a hazy, hot and humid Manhattan. Such fun, cocktailing, shopping, having the kind of day you see in tampon commercials. All of a sudden my walk home to the subway back to Brooklyn got ugly. I felt a painful sensation in betwixt my thighs. Through-out the day I definitely had the reoccurring thoughts all of us "delicious thighs" gals have when it's triple H  [hazy, hot humid] like "Geez, it's hot in there", "Squishy", "Damn these thighs." I found a public bathroom, took a peek and saw that my thighs had been chaffed so badly that they were both raw. I swear I heard horror movie music, or no, it was the Jaws music right about when skinny dipper #1 is about to get it. 

Of course, after seeing how bad it looked, it hurt even more. I could barely even walk out of there. The pain was unbearable. As I stood helplessly a block away from the F train at Second Ave. I thought, I can't make it to the train. I can;t walk one block. I looked around for sympathy and understanding in the faces of other women I imagined to have "delicious thighs". I waited for someone, just one woman, to come up to me with a hand to my lower back, "inner thighs?" The pain of hot, raw skin rubbing against hot raw skin, is nothing less than excruciating. 

Moving myself carefully to the curb in a "crab-walk, Linda Blair in the Exorcist, going down the stairs, eagle spread, frog type motion" I hailed a cab. I vowed to solve this problem and not by wearing bike shorts under my dress, as many "delicious thigh" gals do. I'm too f'n sweaty! What, I'm going to wear shorts under a dress? NO. I scoured the internet, the second I got home, and while icing my thighs, I found it. Cue "Ahhhh Ahhhh" music...SKINDURA: Secret Shield. This little roller full of botanicals promised to protect my thighs and even soothe the irritation from my current "chub rub". I placed my order and waiting with bated breath and pants, for salvation. Never again would my thighs get together without unprotected. 

It came. I was excited but cautious. I thought, I better bring pants just in case and as I traipsed about doing my "Sunday things" I realized that I hadn't' given a thought to my "delicious thighs" all day long. YES. ALL DAY. From that moment, I haven't had a chafe, a rub, a burn or an "OMG! My thighs!" moment. I can wear skirts and let my thighs do their thing without so much as a care. I have turned on many, many friends to Skindura: Secret Shield and everyone is just as ecstatic as I am. Throw out your bike shorts hon and rub the chub rub.